The Big 5!

Wow, Kanin is FIVE today! Say what? Where on Earth did five years go? I remember sitting on a labor ball, thinking

“I can do this. The pain is temporary. Pretend you’re at the beach” over and over again. Quickly asking to be checked by my nurse who thought I was insane and couldn’t possibly be almost fully dilated in such a short amount of time. But I was! I knew my body and I knew he’d be arriving soon. I remember Josh holding my leg for me and a nurse saying he was going to break it. Yeah right. LoL. Then he was here. On my chest and perfect. I stared at him and wasn’t sure it was real, that he was real; I was a mother. Obviously, while I was pregnant I logically knew that the end result would be motherhood, but it didn’t hit me until he was on my chest. I was shocked I did an unmedicated birth, an induction no less. Those are not easy and I did it. I did not speak, other than to ask to be checked, for over six hours—so focused on my labor and not to give into an epidural. Five years ago I became a mother and He’s just as spunky as the day he came out.  

These past few years I’ve made my opinions on my relationship with him well known. I’ve mad it clear that I can’t remember so much of him being three or four. What I can remember is that I did everything I could possibly do to make his life easier, to make those hard years less hard even at my own cost. My only hope is when he grows up, he knows I tried. So this year, I am going to try even harder to make up for those years and to work through my issues with him and his sister. Because when it comes down to it, he is my only living child and I can’t go through his life numb to his presence. I will be better this year. Hopefully, number five is the best year yet for him.


To make Kanin’s birthday that much sweeter (who doesn’t love turning five? LoL), Josh CAME HOME YESTERDAY! The look on that little boy’s face was pure joy. And although we don’t get to spend much time with him over the next few days, we have this whole weekend and I’m so damn excited. Kanin’s excited, Josh is excited. EXCITED all around! I’m being a goof. Clearly, I’m pumped that he’s home, Kanin’s turned five and finally being under the same roof in an emotionally good place in such a long time.

This homecoming was so much sweeter than you can possibly know. My trip down to San Diego made this all the better and I am extremely glad I went down there. I’m thankful our family is finally together and none of us are going anywhere for at least a few more months.


To end this I’d like to apologize for all grammatical and spelling errors. Normally I’m pretty particular but today, in the spirit of “I’d rather be with my family than check all this nonsense” mindset, I said screw it. Happy Birthday to my big boy and Welcome Home to my hubby.

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