I wanted to shut down my blog. You read that right, after all the fights I’ve gone through to keep this blog running and so many middle fingers pointed at so many people, I considered shutting it down. That’s why I’ve been silent since February 24th. It hasn’t been easy, trust me when I say this has not been an easy few months for me.
There’ve been many nay-sayers; many people “close” to me who had lovely opinions on things I’ve written. Things about me; past, present and future. I’ve gone back and forth for weeks trying to decide if all the hurt feelings (mine) were worth it. In the end, this is more than worth it. Aerilyn has been the impetus force behind this blog and I realized not only was I suffering not publishing my thoughts here, but to me, Aerilyn’s memory wasn’t being properly preserved.
Josh gave me the last words that solidified my choice to keep connecting with you all.
“Don’t shut down the one thing that centers you in all the chaos.”
And that’s exactly what life with loss is; chaos. In so many ways, Aerilyn complicated my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. The chaos of an almost —gasps!— five year old, military and wife life, grieving a child I miss dearly, plus normal everyday messiness is plenty of reason to do the one thing that gives me true peace.
I plan on finally publishing my post about our move, probably after Easter. As well as write about moving across the country to an entirely different state from where Aerilyn was born and how it’s affected me.