I’ve had this blog in my possession for well over a month and have dallied on posting it. There was never a “right” time and I kept putting it off. Something always came up, or I didn’t feel comfortable posting it yet. Why? I have no exact reason on why I’ve put it off or haven’t felt comfortable in doing so. Which to me is highly
comical. I’ve posted things heaps more personal; Aerilyn’s birth story for an example. Today I realized there will never a “right” time to post this. If Aerilyn’s taught me anything, it’s take life by the reins and just do it. Be fearless and step out of your comfort zone. So in honor of what she’s taught me, here’s the “life altering” (huge eye roll) post.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. – Mahatma Gandhi
Everyone has had hurt feelings at one point or another in their life. It’s a fact of life and there’s no getting around it. Being a martyr in pain, thinking it’s the only feeling in your life is destructive. It’s toxic and will ultimately make you miserable. Pain doesn’t have to rule you, it’s okay to let it go. Let go of your walls, step into the pain, feel it in any way you need; cry, yell, write, anything to help you. Then relinquish that pain and feel something else. Don’t seek retribution for that wrong doing. Lamenting in what’s happened is a vicious cycle and will just continue to destroy what joy and happiness you find in life.
In order stop the cycle of misery, you must be vulnerable. Vulnerability is one thing I loath to do; I’m unquestionably bad at it and I mean horrible! It requires trust in yourself and trust in others. If you could see my face now, you’d see my eyes are big and I’m grimacing at even saying the word “vulnerable”. I hate it that much. Yet, it must happen. It’s unavoidable and frankly idiotic to think you can get by in the world without being vulnerable. In order to have any relationship you must be defenseless at times. Heck, even for yourself to be okay with who you are, you have to be vulnerable. You have to be able to look at yourself and see the flaws and be humble enough to try to correct them. Be vulnerable, be open to the hurt feelings and then move on. You’ll thank yourself one day.
Recovery is not done apart from our relationships. Recovery is done by learning to own our power and to take care of ourselves in a relationship. – Melody Beattie
You only get what you give. You can only receive respect, love, affection and everything in-between if you give it freely. You are responsible for yourself and yourself only. There can’t be control in others, we do not get to choose what other people feel, or do in their life. Choosing how we react to others is the biggest and best thing you can do. Do you choose to be bitter and resentful or do you choose to be bigger and accept it? That does not mean you have to like what that person is doing, but it doesn’t matter. You are not them and they are not you. So stop paying attention to others and focus on yourself. Put love and care into yourself and make it a priority. Be humbled that you’re still breathing. Be fierce and realize YOU ARE WORTH IT! I cannot stress this more.
“A relationship is a continuation of life…”
You can focus on yourself and you can still be in a relationship. Any kind of relationship, be it romantic, friendly or familial. Those relationships are an extension of who you are, but they are not solely you. They don’t make or break you. Take responsibility for your feelings and actions. Notice how they affect you and act accordingly. Don’t lash out in anger, don’t try to cause others pain just because you’re in pain. That’s putting your pain on others and not taking culpability for yourself. Don’t blame others for it. It’s easy to say or feel that others are at fault for what’s happening to you or how you feel. It’s exponentially more difficult to say this is my fault. So take responsibility for yourself. Be vulnerable and let go of that control you’ve wound up so tightly. I know how difficult it can be, but guess what, you feel better for it. Trust me.
There you have it, my elusive post.