New Year. New Plans.
New year resolutions have never been my thing. Often people set unrealistic goals for themselves and those “goals” only last until February. It’s the gym syndrome. You know the one where December 31st rolls over to January 1st it went from the normal dedicated gym goers, to the “resolutioners”.
Those who just decided to do it for resolutions eventually fade off and the normal dedicated gym goers stay. It’s a never-ending cycle. I see it every year, and I’m sure you do too. Hence why I’m not a fan of New Year Resolutions. It puts undo stress on yourself and sets the tone for the year. If you don’t continue your resolution, be it the gym, reading a book or crafting more with your kids, if you stop or don’t do it as often you ultimately feel failure.
Having said that, last year I made a promise to myself to be better. Having just lost Aerilyn, I needed better.
I needed better
What does that even mean? For each person, “better” means something different. For me, “better” was a daunting and all encompassing thing. I needed to be a better mom than I was during my pregnancy to Kanin. I needed to be a better person and friend. I needed to be better to myself. And I achieved these things. They may not be perfect, but it’s progress. I didn’t do this as a resolution, I did it as a promise to myself and my kids with no thought of 2016 in mind. It just so happened to coincide with the New Year.
As Aerilyn’s birthday approached I once again felt that I needed to be better. And once again, it fell around the New Year. I think because of Aerilyn’s birthday, I’ll forever have goals that pop up around the New Year. If her birthday were in June, I’d still probably be the same and find new goals. Since that urge to be better came about, I created new goals for myself this year and expanded on old ones. These aren’t just goals though, they’re promises to myself.
What did I promise myself this year? To stay motivated! To stay dedicated to me and work on me, everyone be damned. Does that sound selfish? Absolutely! Guess what? That’s okay! It’s OKAY to be selfish in your goals. It’s perfectly acceptable to tell others to bug off, focus on you! That doesn’t mean to ignore others or to not involve them in your life. It means keep doing you. You are the most important person in your life. That may seem strange, especially to mothers! However, we are. If we focus on everyone else and everything else, we get lost. We can’t get lost and be the best person we can be. It doesn’t work. You have, have, have to focus on yourself at times. Not all the times, but don’t compromise yourself for others.
I created a board for myself this year to keep me on track. I’m such a visual person and having my planner and board is a tremendous help. It keeps me accountable and makes me actually look at what I want each and every day, multiple times a day. I may not read each thing on it everyday, but I don’t need too. I know what I wrote on it. I know I wrote “get off your ass” and “you are worth it” on it. I know what my goals are. But having them in a place where I can read them if needed; it’s great! I suggest you do one if you’re a visual person like me, or if you can’t seem to find the desire to stick to your goals.
New Year. New Plan. I cannot for the life of me, decide on exactly how I want my blog to look. So once again, I’ll be changing it. I’m sorry if it messes with anyone or irritates them. But I need the blog to feel like me. I need it to reflect me and what I want this blog to be. Even though I’ve found my niche and have turned this into an incredibly personal blog; but it’s only personal with my writing! I haven’t figured out what my blog look is for me. Colors, fonts, pages.. it’s all up in the air for me. I apologize now if there are multiple changes and not everything is cohesive at first. But until I find my style, I’ll continue to tweak it until I can look at it and say, “This is me”.
Shortly after we found out Aerilyn wasn’t going to survive to be a bouncing baby girl, I knew I needed to do something in honor of her. I think everyone struggles with that feeling when they have a loved one that passes, especially a child. However, I had this idea in my head but thought I was just being emotional. As time went on and Aerilyn came and went, this idea has come up more often than not. Josh and I have talked about it a few times and although we’ve both thought it was a good idea, we hadn’t moved on it. The other day I told Josh that I wanted this idea to come to fruition and now the plans are being laid.
What is this idea you may ask? Unfortunately I wont tell! It’s our little secret. I will say it’s not a new baby, sorry mom. LoL. I can say that when I’m ready, I will spill my guts and tell you everything. Until then, just wish us luck on this new endeavor! It will be stressful, it will be hard and it will be worth it.
In a few months Josh, Kanin and I will be making another Navy move. There’s a possibility of leaving New England and taking an adventure to a place we’ve never been as a family. In the midst of that move, I’ll be sticking to my goals, I’ll be working on our project and I’ll be keeping you all in the loop as much as possible. If you do know our plans, our location or anything in between, please keep it to yourself. We’re not in a position to announce anything yet. Thank you!
So as the clock rolls over from 11:59pm 2016 to 12:00am 2017, make a promise to yourself that you’ll do you. You’ll be better than last year. You’ll continue to grow and you’ll do what makes you happy. I know I will be.