Yesterday started out rough. Eight months hit me like a bowling ball to the stomach; doubled over, breath coming is labored efforts and feeling like you want to vomit. That basically sums up my morning. Not pleasant in the least bit.
I planned on honoring Aerilyn in way I haven’t yet. Thoughts of honoring her circled my head and consumed me and it took me all day to pull it together. I decided
to buy two complete baby girl outfits, package them up and have a cashier at Carter’s give it to a woman pregnant with a girl or who has a newborn girl. The next package went to Motherhood Maternity,
with the woman who helped me so much during my pregnancy. She is going to give that one to another deserving mother.
Josh and I wrote up a message, as well as a saying, printed it off and enclosed it in our cards. It took three stores and countless scratched out words to come up with the perfect products.
I’m so unbelievably happy we were able to not only honor Aerilyn, but to bless two little girls with new things in her honor.
If you’re one of the women who received those bags, I’m glad we were able to help you and that you were able to learn about our precious girl, Aerilyn Grace.
On a different topic:
I’ve neglect myself these past few months. Hardly working out, not doing my daily reading and writing. Not to mention neglecting my blog. I’ve been a mess. It all started when I got sick and it’s spiraled ever since. Mono. After all the ridiculous tests and massive amounts of blood taken the EBV test finally showed I have it. If you’ve had mono you know how exhaustion it is. It rains me physically and mentally. although I think I’m finally starting to not be exhausted all the time. That’s so exciting for me. I cannot tell you how much narcoleptic type exhaustion ruins your days and nights.
Even though I’ve neglected myself, I’m still moving up in the world. As small as it may seem, even just realizing I’ve been put on the back burner is huge. There’s some big changes happening in life in the next few weeks and as soon as those pass, I plan on getting back to the grind. That means weekly posts, my daily reading and writing, meal planning and figuring out myself. All things that as much-needed.
New news; I have a new nephew! Kohen was born a week ago and is absolutely adorable. My sister rocked out a VBAC and they’re both doing well. I’m really proud of her for doing something that many people said wasn’t possible for her. Congrats to the Welch family!
Having a new baby in the family is stirring up a lot of feelings I haven’t addressed yet. I believe I’ll have some posts dedicated strictly to dealing with grief while experiencing joy for a new life. Those two things must go hand in hand at the very least and it’s something I’m still learning how to do. I’ll bring you all along my steps as they happen. Hopefully someone can learn from me and my journey.
The past few years have been crazy to say the least. I’m not sure how I’ve kept up, but I have. Each day is a new challenge and new adventure. Even though this adventure hasn’t always been fun and exciting, it’s been enlightening. Growing as a person never stops, some things take tragic events to kick them into gear. For me, Aerilyn was my synergist. I hope to forever be bettering myself. Not only because of her, but because I never want to be stagnant. I never want to feel stuck in my life; be it grief, sadness or anger. complacency cannot happen in order to be happy. What makes you happy today, may not make you happen 5 years from now and if you haven’t grown, you’ll just feel resentment towards what doesn’t make you happy anymore. Growth.
If I hadn’t grown as a person I wouldn’t have been able to honor Aerilyn today. I certainly wouldn’t have been able to go to three baby stores and walk the aisles with no break down. I wouldn’t have even been able to do this blog.
I also wanted to address August 19th, The Day Of Hope.
The Day Of Hope is about coming together and openly speaking about the children who’ve been lost and their short lives. This day is about showing the world that although these babies may have died, they were still human beings. They mattered to their families and friends of those families.
Many people put up a ‘prayer flag’ in honor of their child who’s died. Prayer flags are anything from a banner to a literal flag. Many include birth and death dates, names, mantras or things that remind them of their child and how they’ve coped with the loss. Changing your social media pictures, a flag in the front yard or anywhere else you seem to fit helps break the silence.
Now that I’ve hopped all over the place and seemed like a loon. Please excuse my unstructured self. 🙂
Happy eight months to my sweet girl and I hope we honored you well. ❤