Cars & Stars

New times calls for new changes. First one being new blog domain; I love my CaringBridge site and it has served the designated purpose quiet well. However, I’m not sure it can serve me as well now, as it did before. My blog is expanding and a more customizable space seems appropriate. For a while, I’ll be posting in both to ensure things get swapped over and everyone is able to eventually just come here. I’ve added my previous CB posts to this blog and linked the Caringbridge site in the dates. I might be changing the layout around, but who knows. But for now, this will be my new home.

I didn’t expect this blog to become a permanent fixture in my life, nor did I expect it to be as therapeutic for me. I didn’t even expect it to help as many people as it has. All in all, it’s been beneficial to many in a way I never expected. Which is really odd because I am a writer, I’ve always loved writing. For whatever reason I didn’t put the two together that it’d help me through this trial in my life. I hope this site becomes a great new home for my thoughts and you all continue to follow my journey through bereavement, self-discovery and love of cake.

The name Cars & Stars came from my two children. Kanin’s love of cars, trucks and anything with wheels was an easy choice. Stars is clearly for Aerilyn. I -lets face it; Josh- kept throwing out names for the past few weeks. I shot down pretty much everything. Finally I came up with Trucks & Stars, which ultimately ended up as Cars & Stars. I thought it was appropriate to use them as inspiration because they’re the two most connected to me. I draw my bereavement, parenting and everything in-between the two of them. They’ve dictated how I’ve lived my life from the moment I got the positive pregnancy test with kanin. And the circle continues!

For now, I’m going to continue with my type blogs. Navigating bereavement, parenthood after bereavement, marriage with child loss, depression and post partum depression. I’ve pondered adding other obstacles I deal with on a daily basis, however I’ve not decided if they’d be a good undertaking for now. Celiac disease (gluten intolerance) or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) were my possible add-ons. We’ll see if I do that one-day.

Second big change is my hair!

New Hair

As you can see, it’s now red and short!

Snow Hair

I decided that after everything I’ve gone through, everything I’m going through and everything I will be going through, the change was needed. For those who don’t know, I haven’t really cut my hair in years! And I really mean years; over 5 and even then it was nothing shorter than shoulder length. Right now it’s in a long angled bob and it starts at the nape of my neck. Way short for me!

When thinking of chopping off my hair, I would have a mini panic attack. Seriously, horrible anxiety! I loved my long hair; I loved how much it showed how much patience I had with it. Although having long hair is a serious PIA when it comes to styling, massive shampoo and even sleeping. When I went into the salon to get it done, I wasn’t even nervous. When she put my hair in ties and snipped snipped, I just smiled. I couldn’t believe I actually did it. I thought I’d have a panic attack, or at least be in a ball of nerves; Nope, not even close. It was all up hill from there. Picking the color, telling her exactly how I wanted it cut then starting the process. Totally liberating! It’s like my hair was holding me back. From what? I couldn’t tell you. But it was freaking awesome! Plus I cut off over eight inches! That means I can donate it! I haven’t decided where to send it off too, but it will be soon and definitely not to Locks of Love. They suck. I’m totally excited about this new hair, new change and what it all means.

I just noticed the weirdest thing a moment ago. I was looking at my CaringBridge site and I hadn’t refreshed the page in about six hours. I refreshed the page and noticed the visits had jumped by over 200! I have no idea how or why that happened, but it is really cool! I have no problem anyone sharing my blog(s) or telling others about me, or this whole situation. That just means people are being educated about Anencephaly and for those who are bereaved, maybe they will find a second home here to relate too. Whatever the case for the extra 200 visits, I’m thankful.

So…

Welcome to my new blog, please be patient with me as I work out kinks and coils. I’ve worked really hard, started over a few times and have been doing this for weeks trying to get this up. Then I wasn’t even sure I wanted to do it. I take that back, I wanted to do the bigger blog. I wasn’t sure I’d be able too though. It makes me nervous to think my writing are on a bigger platform, people seeing it other than family and friends. There’s so many what-ifs and possible regrets, but I needed to do this. I needed to make it bigger, to really put myself out there and try to do something completely out of my comfort zone. Hopefully this doesn’t bite me in the ass.

If you find something that doesn’t work, that is hard to navigate or down right weird, please, please let me know. I’d rather not have a convoluted website. LoL. 

I hope you enjoy my new home and new hair!

Cross posted. 

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