Busy Busy

Originally a CaringBridge post. Link to original post is the date.

Aug 27, 2015 4:10pm

First… Happy Birthday Momma.  We love and miss you a bunch. Hope your day was exciting.

This week hasn’t been quite as fast as others for some reason. We’ve had some major changes, some good, some bad. 26 weeks! Only a week left before I hit another major milestone. As always, Aerilyn’s active and rolling around like crazy. We still haven’t determined if she reacts to the light or not. She does kick at time with the light, although I’m not sure if it’s the pressure or happenstance. She doesn’t like to be mooshed, not even in the slightest. I think she’s enjoying all the room she has because she sure doesn’t stop moving. All is going normal and that’s the way I like it.

Kanin went to daycare for the first time on Tuesday. I was nervous as all get up, but he did just fine. Barely any tears and didn’t want to leave. Day two, (today) was just as successful. He only gave me a pouty face as I left and wanted to stay and play. Daycare for the win! I’m so glad and relieved that it has worked out so well. It’s strange, so very strange not to have him 24/7 or with a friend or family. I have free time! I see naps in my future.

Josh got put on TAD (temporary additional duty) on Monday. This means he’s currently not working on the boat, but for the shipyard. WAY less hours, less stress and being available for almost anything are to name a few of the changes that entails. Again, strange having him home so early. Kanin is loving it and taking full advantage. He’ll be on TAD for 30 days until we figure out something semi more permanent.

Hopefully soon we get to add a new adventure to Aerilyn’s list. I’m not going to specify what just yet, let’s just hope it works out. Here’s hoping the boat is in our favor! Sunday we’re going to see ponies! Kanin is going to love it. We’ll see what else we come up with while we have the time.

My sister Jenn and I were talking last week about how much she loves pumpkin everything and how fall would be welcome from this oppressing heat in both our states. Later that night that conversation almost sparked a panic attack in me. This may seem strange for this thought to just now hit me, but it did. It took 13 weeks for it to sink in this is the last summer of “normality”. Last Autumn, last Thanksgiving, last Halloween… they’re never going to be the same after this pregnancy ends. Although nothing has been “normal” for us since our May 26th ultrasound, the end of my pregnancy is when things will really change. I told her that I wanted Fall to come because I have cute maternity clothes and want to decorate for it. Then I instantly said it was a bittersweet want. I wanted it for the change and a new distraction, however it also means another season closer to losing Aerilyn. That is something I don’t want to ever come.

Later that night while eating a snack before bed, I decided to browse Pinterest since I hadn’t been on there for awhile. I instantly went to the Fall season/holiday section. Bad, bad idea. It helped with the onset of panic. I saw crafts to do with kids, family activities, food and home decor. Things that sound fun and delicious set me into “oh my god, I don’t have time for this stuff”. Not just time, but the emotional amplitude for it. I want to do all those fun things and make memories not only with Kanin, but with the entire family.. it’s not working out for me like I want though. Even now there’s things I want to do just for the sake of having a short summer, Aerilyn’s diagnoses aside. Things that a normal toddler should get to experience that I can’t seem to make myself do. Ahh that doesn’t even make sense to me! Not only am I having troubles articulating how I feel, I can’t even physically express it either

This is frustrating on so many levels. That lack of amplitude can be applied to a lot of things in a few different things right now. I have to reorganize my house to have the room for my family visiting in December. I have such short amount of time that can be sliced into an even smaller chunk of time and I’m doing nothing. In the grand scheme of things, there’s not a whole bunch to do. Although me being pregnant, it prolongs how quickly I can get it done. Hell, right now cleaning just my upstairs takes me 2x’s longer than it should. Not sure if that’s pregnancy or a combination of all this crap and pregnancy.  I need to hire a maid or a few guys off the boat to do my bidding. Strike it off my never ending to do list so it’s one less thing for me to do. Since I can’t do that, anxiety and ensues.

Panic! Panic about my house. Panic about the seasons changing. Panic about the most foolish things. I seriously need to get a grip!

I’d like to take a moment and say that yesterday I found out a man I’ve known almost my entire life was diagnosed with advanced, aggressive intestinal cancer. His prognosis wasn’t good. Then this afternoon I found out he passed away last night surrounded by his family. Jim Swift was an influential person in my life for many years. I went to a burn camp, Eyabsut, as a child and he was there every year. Always taking pictures, always there for advice, a shoulder to lean on. You name it, he did it. I’m so very sorry I hadn’t seen in him years and wasn’t able to say goodbye. He was a fundamental person for Eyabsut. Always there, always helping. The world lost a great person. He was a firefighter, volunteer, and all around amazing person. You will be missed Jim. RIP.

I guess I’ll follow sad news with even more. Tuesday we put down Jordana. Jordana was our dog for the past 6+ years. There has been very little time in our marriage that she wasn’t there. After long deliberation and even more procrastination, I finally took her to the vet. I hadn’t expected to take her and them agree with to do it that day. They did. We decided to “rib off the band aid” so to speak and just get it done. See, she had epilepsy brought on by major life changes. Considering we’re military, have Kanin and are going through all of this with Aerilyn… her life was a bit hectic. She was miserable as of lately and unfortunately she was unpredictable. All that and more brought us to our decision. When she was a happy dog she was amazing. Very loyal, loved everyone and shed on everything. It’s been very strange not having her around these past few days. Hopefully she’s in a better place and running happy and carefree with other Huskies and dogs. RIP Fuzz.

Sorry this update is scattered and not laid out very well. Normally (while not pregnant) I’m a bit more organized. Pregnancy has killed that. Lol

26 Weels (8.2715)

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