About Me


DebbieLeanneMiller-007©Photo courtesy of Debbie Leanne Photography

My name is Nicole and I’m a bereaved mother to a beautiful little girl named Aerilyn Grace. Let me explain a little bit about myself and this blog. I’ve been a mom to a little boy named Kanin for the past four and half years. He’s a witty, strong-willed handsome little man who loves to run around like a wild man. I have also been playing wife to a United States Submariner for the past eight-plus years.

To get where I’m at, you have to have an idea of where I’ve been. Josh and I met in Hawaii in 2008 and married shortly after. Our love affair has been a whirlwind of ups and downs and everything in between. We’ve spent had plenty of extremes in our travels. Starting out in beautiful Hawaii to being currently in Maine; a dismal state if you ask me. I hate the cold. When we decided to have kids things weren’t happening as they were “supposed” too. I’d fall pregnant but not be able to stay pregnant. It was extremely frustrating to not know why I was having issues carrying these babies. Eventually, I learned I had Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and that can cause infertility.

After over 4 years Kanin was conceived using a low key fertility method. After a complicated pregnancy and natural delivery, he was the light of our life. Soon after giving birth we started trying for another baby. Flash forward almost 3 years, one miscarriage -adding our total to seven in all- and finally conceiving again on an IUI (intrauterine insemination) we finally had another pregnancy, one that seemed to stick.

On May 26th, 2015 my path towards bereavement began. We went in for a routine NT (Nuchal Test) and found out our baby had something called Anencephaly. This is a Neural Tube Defect  (NTD) that is “not compatible with life”. We ended up deciding to carry her to term and on December 15th, 2015 Aeriyln Grace Miller was born and lived for 37 minutes. At 4:19pm I became a bereaved mother.

I started a blog on CaringBridge.Com to talk about and keep our friends and family updated about our journey. This is an extension of it. My hope is to help others who’ve gone, are and will be going through child loss, miscarriage, stillbirth, and anything in between. Please feel free to leave comments, or messages to me.